No Time Every Time – Part 2 March 23, 2005

On a practical level, I believe I’ve been the working model of Parkinson’s Law: "Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion." I’ve played with this one a bit, just to test it out and found it to be true. The time I only had an hour to do the weekly shopping at Target, I really did finish it all in less than the usual 2-3 hours. When I pushed my hair/makeup time back 15 minutes one morning to fit in something more worthwhile, I still got out the door on time. Not being a dawdler type, I wouldn’t have thought Parkinson’s Law could possibly apply to me, but here’s what happens – I adjust my standards. I might not need to read the labels on 20 products in the grocery aisle, maybe just two. When faced with a time limit, I forego my grasping at perfection and focus instead on just getting the job done before the clock runs out.

My tendency is to overextend myself, no matter what time is available. Though I trick myself into thinking that I really am scaling back because I’m not a.) making my own candles b.) hand-stamping my own wrapping paper or c.) making bagels from scratch any more, I still commit to achieving more than is possible ( or necessary) in a given amount of time.

As with most areas where I struggle, this battle is really a spiritual spillover. My list-making, want-it-all-at-once, cake-and-eat-it-too self is reluctant to give up control. I fool myself into thinking that if I just plan creatively enough, if I just work hard enough, I really can fit 48 hours’ worth of activities into one efficiently packed 24 hour day. I lose sight of the fact that my day really isn’t about achieving my agenda (or it shouldn’t be). I run right past the fact that I have a Creator who knows exactly what I’m capable of, and has planned a life for me, within those abilities (and limitations), that far exceeds anything I could cook up on my own.

Now comes the part that really matters – what to do with this knowledge? How can I make adjustments so that I don’t always feel like there is a shortage of time in my life? (I smell a list!

1. Give each day to God. There is nothing like the feeling when I’m finishing up my quiet time and I truly yield the day and its events to Him.
2. Adjust my standards. I’m trying to master the fine art of "Oh well." The grout in the kitchen tile is dirty? Oh well. We had to order takeout for dinner? Oh well. The house isn’t decorated for Easter? Oh well. The funny part about this one is that the end result is usually the same. I was never going to fit in cleaning the grout last weekend – but it was on my list and it frustrated me to not fit it in. My lists need to get smaller and my expectations need to be scaled back. There’s something to be said for a shrug of the shoulders!
3. Fit in fun. It’s hard to feel burdened and busy when I’m kicking up my feet and reading a book. More often, I need to eat dessert first from a scheduling perspective. If I try to work until the work is done before I let myself have fun, it’s never going to happen. This is one reason we’ve started more closely observing a true sabbath. Brian wrote a great post about this change for our family.
4. Rinse and Repeat. This is a weak area for me – I get sucked into its gravitational pull on a regular basis. Just like a child who needs to be told on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis "No," or "Put your shoes away," or "Pick up your baseball cards," I need consistent re-directing. My loving husband is wonderful in this respect – "It’s 8:30. You’ve worked a full day, made dinner and helped with homework. Quit cleaning and go take a bubble bath!" But I also need to regularly adjust the dials of my perspective, get real, lighten up and put my schedule in the hands of the Master Planner.

No Time Every Time March 22, 2005

Whew this place is dusty! I remarked to my husband the other day about my blog-slide and then quipped, "Well, better to neglect my blog than my family!" which he, as a post-a-day-er took as a direct insult No offense intended, wonderful husband-o-mine! Merely a comment on the time squeeze I had been feeling, and when something’s gotta give, the blog is often the first one to fall. Plus, I hadn’t been inspired by any particular topic until a friend of mine at work remarked about a comment I had made, "That would be a great blog post!" So here it is, Mike – thanks for the idea!

I have been a stay-at-home mom, a part-time working mom and, now, a full-time working mom, and during each stage I have felt that my schedule was full to the point of bursting, busy to the point of being overwhelmed. We could probably just dismiss that as a big honking character flaw and end this post uncharacteristically early, if it weren’t for the fact that just about every mother I know repeats this same mantra, regardless of employment status.

When my son was in the toddler stage and I quit working to be at home with him, I found myself dreaming big about our time together. I was going to be the picture of domestic peace and tranquility – finger-painting gleefully while fresh-baked cookies cooled in the background. And honestly, I really did do that stuff, but I was in no way the poster child for homemaker happiness. By the end of the day, I was scraping paint out from under my fingernails and hoping that those cookies would be evidence of my affection for my husband since I was way too tired to give him any real time or attention.

During the preschool/early elementary era, I was very blessed to find part-time employment that never required me to have my child in day care. I worked with him by my side (doing child-care), or while I was at home with him (taking frequent breaks), or while he was in school (for short 2-3 hours bursts). I felt like I was achieving the modern woman’s dream – the perfect balance of work and family. I could earn money one morning and help plan a class party that afternoon. I said yes to all the things that full-time working mothers couldn’t, and eventually the evenly balanced scales were bent all the way to the floor – equally groaning under the weight of my full-time commitment to both sides with only part-time availability.

And, now, I’m immersed in a full-time job I absolutely love, as the mother of a third-grader. Granted, the needs of a nine-year-old are fairly minimal compared to those of a toddler. Yet soccer games, school events, his writing club, help with homework, etc. added to the basic food, clothing and shelter family requirements tend to keep me hopping in the remaining non-working hours of the week.

So what gives? How can I possibly have experienced every possible shade of green grass on the multi-dimensional fence of life and felt like I got the short end of the time-stick at each stage? For that you will have to wait until my next post – this one has gone on long enough already!