13 Going on 30 June 20, 2005

Thirteen years ago today, I married my best friend, my high school sweetheart, my soul mate. Being together this long has revealed so many reasons that God brought us together, and I look forward to discovering more as each year unfolds. Brian’s wit and intelligence were two of the first things that got me hooked on him. He still makes me laugh like no one else can and dazzles me with his wisdom and creativity. And he is one of those confounding people who gets better looking as he gets older!

When I was a teenager and my grandparents were visiting our house, I heard them up talking, long after they had gone to bed and turned out the lights. Only intermittent words from their conversation floated my way, but I caught enough to know that they were just chatting, sharing their thoughts about the day. It made me glad to know that, even in their 80s, they still enjoyed hearing what the other had to say. Whenever Brian and I stay up well past midnight talking, despite knowing how tired I’ll be the next day, I’m left feeling profoundly grateful to experience this kind of friendship.

How doughnuts and back seats made me a better parent June 12, 2005

I just got back from taking a walk with my son Ben. I asked him to go, not because we needed exercise (as we so often do on our restful Sundays), but because I wanted to squeeze in more time with him before the weekend is over. Walks have always been a great time for the two of us to connect and share all kinds of conversation. (It doesn’t hurt that he still reaches up to hold my hand once in a while!) Tonight it was talking about the week ahead and, his favorite current topic, Star Wars.

As a parent, it’s easier for me to focus on meaningful interaction in special settings. I wish I could say that I have no need for this and am able to engage in significant conversation while I’m cooking, cleaning, folding laundry or working, but our daily reality frequently finds my mind and body in some sort of productive motion. So changing settings is a cue to me and allows me to shift my attention to shooting the breeze with my boy. I know more men who do this than women, but I think everyone in the family benefits from one child and one parent heading out for a change of scenery.

Our locations have evolved throughout the years, but here’s a quick list of the places where we’ve spent some wonderful time together:

• Gymboree classes when he was a wee one.
• Grapevine Mills Mall when he was part of the stroller set.
• A doughnut shop when Brian took classes on Saturday mornings.
• The walks I mentioned earlier, a favorite since he was 2.
• Driving places (particularly baseball practice) in the car. I’ve heard this about boys before – they open up more easily when they aren’t face-to-face.

I thought this list might be longer when I started it, and it makes me realize that we need to continue to find these times and places as he grows and his interests change. I’d love to hear about the special settings enjoyed by other parents and kids!

Picky June 3, 2005

When you take a family trip, you get a lot more up-close-and-personal time with your family members. That’s the point, right? Re-connecting and building memories together, with liberal doses of laughter dispersed throughout. This is definitely the case for the Baileys, and I think some of our happiest times together have been on our vacations.

However…there are also more opportunities to observe our loved ones’ little idiosyncrasies that don’t pop up in our home lives where we custom-craft our environment to meet our needs. Ben is an incredibly easy-going kid in most respects – smart, quiet and a great sense of humor. But, he’s also picky. With a capital P. About the kind of orange juice he drinks, about how much seaweed is in the water, about sand in his shoes, about applying sunscreen, about anything green on his plate, etc. I know that some would say that we, as his parents, have allowed this pickiness – that by helping him come up with "workarounds" we’ve only encouraged it. Fair point, but only to a degree. Because I see the way other kids plow through life, rushing through the bothersome necessities like eating to get to the fun of running around and playing. They don’t even notice the things that stop Ben in his tracks.

And there it is. They don’t notice. They don’t notice when they run into people. They don’t notice when they are being so loud that the whole restaurant is looking at them. They don’t notice when something is about to be broken.
Throughout life, I have to keep reminding myself that people are a package deal. You can’t take the parts you like and sift out the rest. Those little annoying habits and traits probably wouldn’t be there if some of the characteristics you cherish most were absent. Just this morning Ben was sitting up in the soft sand and scooping/throwing it onto the wet sand to see the water wash it away. The first time someone came walking along towards his throwing path, I started to warn him to stop, but he did all by himself. And for the next 15-20 minutes that he played this game, he always paused when someone approached. His sensitivity and awareness helped him see when he would be disturbing someone else. I love that about him!

Once again I realize that his quirks go right along with his strengths. And while we’ll continue to encourage him to  loosen up and roll with the punches, we get the joy of living with someone who doesn’t slam the door when he goes outside or lose the pieces to his favorite game, and notices when a different bird is in the backyard or when I have a new outfit on.

And, in fairness to Ben, he comes by his pickiness naturally. I tend to be a bit particular as well!

Breakfast, Lunch and Abundance January 27, 2005

I work just footsteps away from my spouse.  We are in job heaven, thrilled with what we get to do every day, and the fact that we can share that joy is particularly sweet.  But that’s a whole nother Oprah.

I mention our mutual employment because recently we were both immersed in one of our busiest times of the year at work.  There was no chance of tag-team parenting.  To do what we needed (and wanted) to do in our jobs meant big gaps in the parenting department. And when the going gets tough, the tough call Grandma. 

We knew there was no way we could keep any kind of order or nurturing environment in our home during this phase. So, in a repeat performance of last year, we flew in the cavalry – Brian’s mom.  Blessedly, she was very willing and eager to help.  She walked Ben to school, made his breakfast, fixed him a smoothie after school, listened to him practice piano, helped him with his homework, took walks with him, and also folded laundry, washed dishes and kept things clean.  (Thank you, Sharon!) 

Most of these are tasks I would usually fit into a normal day/week, some more cheerfully than others.  There are plenty of times when I get downright overwhelmed by the juggling act required to keep the mom/wife part of my life balanced with my career.  When I get the opportunity to be singly focused on either area, it’s a refreshing change.

But one particular morning last week hit me hard.  I didn’t have time to make Ben’s breakfast or pack his lunch before school.  Dad and Grandma handled it without a glitch, but it just felt wrong.  That’s my job.  I do that for Ben.  Then it struck me – these seemingly insignificant tasks in my day are a blessing.  To be able to perform these small acts of caring for my family is a gift, not a burden.  I thought about mothers who don’t have that opportunity – whether limited physically, by schedule, or by circumstance.  And I realized, yet again, how fortunate I am to have things to juggle.

"…My cup runneth over." Psalms 23:5

Crossword Answers December 14, 2004

If you’re  here searching for answers to the crossword puzzle in our Christmas card, thanks for your diligence and welcome!  Here are the clues and answers:

Across

5.  Destination of our family vacation this summer = Colorado
6.  Ben started his second year of playing this instrument = piano
10. Church where we work and worship = Fellowship
11. Our cat’s name; also tropical fruit = Mango
12. Number of years Lori and Brian have been married = twelve

Down

1.  Team we rooted for in the World Series = Boston
2.  Sport Ben played in the fall and spring = baseball
3.  Ben’s age = nine
4.  Ben’s team name = Angels
7.  Name of Ben’s school; also Texas state flower = Bluebonnet
8.  Ben’s favorite subject = science
9.  Ben started this grade in August = third

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Lori (you are here) > Brian > Ben